John Barnes with Ray Parlour outside a Morrison’s - sounds like a Cluedo answer. But that was in fact the scene awaiting bemused shoppers on the morning of the utterly bizarre 2019/20 Carabao Cup draw.
In fact, Mondays farcical Champions League draw follows a rich tradition of bizarre, chaotic and downright disastrous draws of the past.
And since there’s really nothing purer than watching the best laid plans of global organisations fail on live television, we’ve gone ahead and put together five of our absolute favourites for your enjoyment.
Weird draws...
1. The infamous Morrison’s car park draw
"We sell lots of our great tasting low sugar energy drinks in supermarkets, so we thought why not let football fans watch the draw whilst stocking up on Carabao?"
The above quote from Carabao’s CMO does little to actually explain the logic behind staging the 2019 Carabao Cup draw in a supermarket carpark. In the end the only thing it really achieved was to cement the league cups status - and not in a good way.
2. Scottish cup fifth round - Rod Stewart’s had a few
It’s occasionally said that football resembles a game of men vs boys - so it was nice of Rod Stewart to bring a little of that to the Scottish Cup fifth round draw of January 2017
Sure the boy in question was actually an absolutely shit-faced 72 year old man - but it still warms the heart a little to see Rod looking so pleased with his work after theatrically plunging his hand into the pit, blearily squinting down the camera lens and proceeding to yell the number he had drawn. Heartwarming stuff.
3. Sep Blatter scapegoats a child - 1982 World Cup
After a complete shambles of a draw that saw Scotland put in a group they should never have been in, it was abundantly clear that FIFA’s plans had gone out the window. So of course a child was blamed for drawing a ball containing Scotland from the pot he was told to draw a ball from. He was then promptly sent back to stand in front of the audience and try not to cry. The draw was restarted.
4. 1994 World Cup - Robin Williams having a great old time
Never has one stage hosted such a gargantuan comic mismatch as Robin Williams and Sep Blatter.
Blatter - or Bladder - as Robin Williams repeatedly kept referring to him, resembles a man drowning in the insecurity of not knowing whether he was in on the joke or - in fact - the joke. As Robin Williams’ rapid fire punchlines continue to crush he sheepishly laughs along, deep panic rising beneath his sweaty exterior. It’s a hell of a thing to watch.
5. Rumbelows Cup 1991 - Donald Trump does the League Cup fifth round draw
Before he was hellbent on dismantling democracy, Donald Trump was just another wannabe celeb who could never turn a gig down. From Home Alone 2 to Saint and Greavsie - the Donald did it all in the 90’s. And that included drawing the fifth-round of the Rumbelows Cup.
It’s kinda tough to say but he’s actually a fairly good sport about it all. Jimmy Greaves’ joke about Trumps boardroom resembling that of Doug Ellis’s at Villa even eliciting a genuine belly laugh from Trump in a standout moment of fakery.
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